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Grief and Trauma

 Grief is a lonely journey. Two people who lose someone may have different physical and emotional reactions to the loss.  Comparing how other people seem to cope can make a person feel lonelier and afraid to tell what is really going on.  The journey to survive grief  can be made lonelier when people in your life tell you things like:
"When are you going to get over that"?  It's been 2 months or 2 years or 20 years why do you still think about that"?
Statements made like this are often accompanied by body language that makes it apparent that the person speaking is not comfortable talking about the loss.  I have heard many times from clients "No one in my friends or family wants to hear about this anymore"  
Needing to talk about your grief can begin to feel like you are doing something selfish or wrong.  You are NOT.  
Coming to therapy to deal with your grief can be to give you a safe space to talk about your feelings and experiences without worrying that you are making someone uncomfortable.  
It can give you a safe place to look at your life and consider things you would like to change.  

Trauma can be the result of physical or emotional or sexual actions that caused pain.Many people who experience trauma in childhood look to the cues of the adults in charge to let them know how to process this experience or how to cope.   People who experience the trauma often question their own actions and wonder if they somehow are to blame or if they are making a big deal out of something that is minor. The person who inflicted the trauma (if still around) will usually downplay the harm of their actions and family and friends may say things like "just put it behind you and move on"  " dwelling on your problems won't make you any better".    It sounds like a great idea (I will just use willpower and positive thinking to move on).  I consider that to be a sort of duct tape healing, just tape it up and move on doesn't really help an individual come to terms with bullying or sexual abuse and how it has changed your sense of trust in yourself and others.

Grief and Trauma are wounds to the self that need a safe space to heal.  The methods may not be as important - some people may go to a support group, or take up a new activity to fill their time or sit silently alone.  The important thing is to recognize you don't have to listen to those individuals that tell you how you should feel or should cope.  Get the help you need and I hope that 2020 is the start of a happier you.